A trip down to the shops.
Friday, October 31, 2003
I wrote this.

I am reproducing the work of Mervyn Wright here as a protest against the recent push to have Pikeys recognised as a race.

"You really are showing your true colours now, what was that about foul mouthed pikeys???
You sad pathetic JEALOUS losers, if only you could realise how pathetic you all look, and come on ladyboy vanessa, you didn't STOP posting you are blacklisted for being such an aggresive and argumentitive poster and not understanding that the forum isn't full of your bitches, and people have seen through you, Well done, you have become really hated outside of your shite NG.
I mean lets be honest everybody knows the crap you have invented about my family, NOBODY except your deluded selves believes a word you have posted about us, as the support for us in the forums proves.
What exactly is your problem? is it the fact that Tommy is better looking than anything that you lot have spawned, probably, certainly in Ednas case, you can smell the jealousy coming from her/him/it, or is it the fact he has earnt more money in the last month than any of you lot have made in 10 years, or is it because he is so popular that he is in the papers EVERY day, with queues still forming up to talk to him, he hasn't even got round to the telly shows he's been invited on, yep I reckon thats it, pure and utter jealousy, and before you spew out bullshit Dr crap/ladyboy not one thing I have mentioned about Tommy is a lie, he is all that and more and YOU know it, you obviously think of us as a celebrity family, otherwise why stalk us!! My you are the clever ones, you really have got one over on us, we really care what you say NOT, oh and by the way, a legal representative is provided to Tommy and his family on behalf of Endemol UK to deal with people..just like you actually, but so far we have not required their services because the only people like you are....you.
Well this should take up another day for you to write about on your racist foul mouthed board, funny isn't it? should give you all a laugh, unless that is of course, you realise how pathetic YOU are, in carrying on this ridiculous vendetta, because it will end in tears for someone.
I could talk about Yidaho's little daughter and call her foul names etc, but I wouldn't dream of it, it is really sick the way you are carrying on, you should be ashamed of yourselves ( I apologise for using you as an example Yidaho, but I happen to know alot more about you, and I would never make personal attacks against an INNOCENT member of your family, just imagine how you would feel)
And Edna, when you post a link trying to prove I am a racist, it would be a good Idea if you chose one where I am not agreeing that the post WAS racist, oh dear how silly of you.
This message is copyright 'The guy whose son fucked a manky bitch on television' 31st October 2003 and is NOT to be reproduced in part or in full."

Thursday, October 30, 2003
Pikey Prologue, by Dr. Vic Jameson. P-Study cont.

I'd like to start by thanking Mervyn and Christine Wright of Weymouth, the recent subjects of my Pikey-Study. I would have liked to move to pastures new, but there is a final development in their story that makes for some very amusing reading. I relay it here just to let you know how some people are prepared to act in public forums with the just the merest baiting. It all started with Christine, who goes by the moniker of Netsue making a suggestion:
"Have you all decided to go somewhere else? maybe there should be a certain time when we can
all get on together as I know it can be difficult coming on and just waiting for people to come along."

Well, Mervyn, who has the moniker of Reformat, confessed to his proclivity to swing with Christine, I'm sure that this is not the first time she's said that. She follows it up with this statement about the 'General Big Brother' forum:
"it doesnt matter that you didnt watch BB, the general forum is for anything really, it doesnt have to be BB related, once it starts again next year they will have another forum just for that."

I was shocked, what if Mervyn found out that his wife was suggesting something that he himself considered a mortal sin? He'd surely beat her, we all know of his anger management problems. I had to warn the subject of my studies for the past fortnight, after all, we all grow attached to those who supply us with so much entertainment. I discreetly commented thus:
"Careful Christine, if Mervyn finds out you are encouraging off-topic chat he may not take you to the next swinging-party. Don't forget Merv said this on free.uk.tv.bigbrother
"This NG does not pertain to BB at all, it should really be closed down, it's a waste of space, like most of the people on it!"
And described it as:
"one irrelevant Ng whos members are all sad twats who know fukk all about the groups title"
Don't make him do the same thing here as his trolling has the ability to bring forums to their knees."

I had said my piece, hoped that Netsue would heed my sage advice and returned to my studies. How was I to know that my warning would back-fire to such a tremendous degree? On returning to the forum in question I noticed that Reformat had contributed to the thread. I hoped I hadn't got Christine into too much trouble, but he had already made his threat to her quite clearly in a terse statement of:
"oops, temper temper"

Obviously a sharp reminder to his disobedient wife that Mervyn has quite a temper on him, and don't we know it. I fear for her safety, but such is the life of the common pikey 'whore' or 'bitch'. It was then time for him to address my comments:
"Your post has been reported to the board admin, you really must learn not to post libelous rantings"

The pen is mightier than the sword. Mervyn reports to he with the mightier pen, as is to be expected from previous studies of his behaviour. It is at this time I believe that Mervyn beat Christine to within an inch of unconsciousness, possibly causing increased deafness too, this is because she returned with a delirious response that can only be described as severely confused:
"Why dont you just get stuffed VJ, whats the matter, bored are you, cant get anyone to take any notice of you any more on DS, its only YOUR word that Reformat goes on the crappy newsgroup you are on about, I know he doesnt, he wouldnt waste his time in such juvenile company, what did you come back on this board for anyway, no one took notice of you the last time, You and your disciples from the newsgroup tried to say I was some sort of immoral person getting e-mail addresses,
why do you pose as a man, when you are in fact a woman, although I am sorry that you are a woman, you let our gender down, as for the swinging comments, we all know that was an msn profile made up by you and your cronies, that is the easiest thing in the world to do, we have done one for you, but it would be childish publishing it, so dont think you are clever by doing it, but even if I was a swinger, which I am not, what business would it be of yours, why would my lifestyle interest you so much? or is it pure jealousy?. Do you think you are clever using our real names on the internet, do you not realise that is illegal, wether people have seen our names in the paper or not is irrelevant, we are still covered by the data protection act!"

The emboldened part of the above quote was what really got me laughing more than I have all this week. The last time I checked my penis was still there, and fully functional, able to achieve full tumescence at a pleasing speed. I admit that I had given up on Digital Spy (DS) as my work there was completed, Reformat was unmasked as the unpleasant man that he truly was, he had provided plenty of evidence and none to the contrary, but this made me revisit my old haunting ground, making an innocent enough post regarding an article in today's Daily Mail in response to Reformat advertising it. I was even more amused when he started calling me Vanessa and vcj. I'm sure you can work out for yourself that the msn profiles were found purely by chance and I haven't needed to fabricate anything that has so far convicted this couple, and their friend NED1, of their pikey and repellent nature. With regard to Christine and Mervyn's real names and the legality of it all, I'm not sure I care. I replied, knowing that she may be dazed somewhat with:
"Please stop calling me a girl. My real name is Christopher, but then your detective work is worse than mine.
Not sure where you get the idea that I made up msn profiles, how could I have done it in 2002? That was a mistake your husband made, and I'm sure he's rueing it, as with his Yahoo profile (The UK link leads here.). Christine and Mervyn, you are an endless source of amusement, but calling me Vanessa takes the cake this time. You must be confusing me with the person Mervyn called a "soft cunt" on free.uk.tv.bigbrother."

Mervyn can't help but pounce on my back with his incorrect assumptions:
"Welcome back to the freak, you ARE a girl vanessa, why do you pretend to be a man??
You made up the msn profiles, just like I have made one up for you to prove how easy it is."

The difference here is I will not be posting on message boards, blogs or newsgroups with the e-mail address that his profile alludes to. Never mind Mervyn, maybe some swinging regulars on the Digital Spy forums can hook up with you and Christine for some 'sharing' so it won't all have gone to waste. I don't know why he is so ashamed of his sexual deviancy, he should be more ashamed of the fact the he regularly makes a fool of himself. He goes on to be even more foolish:
"We are glad we are an endless source of amusment to you, after all the rest of your life is very,very sad, pretending to be a man, pretending to be a doctor, oh dear what a shambles your life is."

Parody is lost on the stupid, especially the cranially challenged pikey. He then makes even wilder claims, learning from my own techniques, documented here on this very medium:
"One thing you don't pretend to be is racist, you are that for real.
You must really admire and fancy Tommy something wicked or is it pure jealousy, after all, you spend all your time writing about him on your racist web site."

But that was a ghost costume for Hallowe'en. I mean, I know the hat was a bit pointed but...

What else is there to say. You are at the website that Mervyn claims is racist, and beyond the burning cross on the lawn I don't see anything offensive to anybody's race. Who can say why Mervyn and Christine Wright say the things they do, do the things they do, act the way they do? We will likely never know, but if there is one thing that our two subjects have shown us it is that they have no shame, none of their ilk do. We can only hope and pray that Darwin was right, and that these rejects of humanity die out like their Neanderthal counterparts of prehistoric times.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003
I am concerned by the recent influx of visitors searching for the words pikey using google. All of this due to the burning of a caravan with effigies of a woman and children in Firle East Sussex.

Click for Pic of pikey number plated caravan.

Visited my little monster in prison today, god love him. He wants to come home. I miss him - I want him to come home. Oh well its the justice system that can decide that.
Monday, October 27, 2003
Google Search: "100 Scariest Moments" British television.
Google Search: "100 Scariest Moments" British television.

Sunday, October 26, 2003
Amazon.co.uk: Bugsy Malone [1976]
Amazon.co.uk: Bugsy Malone [1976]

also just bought this. happy lady now, only need umm... dr Doolittle and my Christmas will be filmtastic!
BlackStar Videos - Finian's Rainbow
BlackStar Videos - Finian's Rainbow

small things please me!

I have hardly any money until Thursday, but, I have purchased this video. Ooohh The Christmas Memories will come flooding back.
The Bible Creation Story in Pikey
To start wiv, God made v' 'eavens an' v' earf. V' Earf didn't 'ave nuffink on it, an' ev'ryfink was all dark. So God was movin' about in v' dark, right, and 'e says, "Gissa light ven mate!" An' vere was light. God saw it was well cool, an' so 'e sep'rated v' light, what 'e called Day, an' v' dark, what 'e called Night. An' vere was evenin' an' mornin', an' vassa first day.

Nex' day, God says, "Gissa sky in v' middle of v' wa'ers, to split 'em up, yeah?" Ven God made v' sky an' 'e split up v' wa'ers so vey weren't all mitsed up togever any more. 'E called v' sky 'Eaven. An' vere was evenin' an' mornin', an' vassa secon' day.

Onner fird day, God says, "Right'en, let's 'ave all vis wa'er in one place, wiv dry land where vere ain't no wa'er." An' so it 'appened - jus' like vat. God called v' dry land Earf and v' wa'er Sea. An' 'e says, "Lessave some grass on v' earf, an' plants wiv seeds on 'em, an' trees wiv fruit an' stuff." V' earf did all vis, right, an' God saw it was radical. Vassa fird day.

Onner fawf day, God says, "Gimme some lights in v' sky of 'Eaven to split up day an' night. Less' 'ave 'em fer signs an' seasons an' stuff like vat. An' make 'em light up v' 'earf, yeah?" An' vis 'appened, too. God made two big lights, one to look arfer' day, other one fer night. 'E also made v' stars an' put 'em in v' sky to light up v' 'earf, rule over v' day an' night, an' split up v' light an' dark. God saw it was, like, well wicked. Vassa fawf day.

Onner fif' day, God says to 'imself, "Lessave lots of movin' fings in v' wa'er, an' birds in v' air." So God made lots of whales an' livin' creatures an' stuff. Vese all came out v' water. 'E made v' birds, and saw vey was pretty neat. 'E blessed v' creatures an' 'e says, "Be fruitful an' do, like, what times signs do in maffs, an' filla wa'ers in v' seas. Oh yeah, an' you too, birds." Vasser fif' day.

Onner sits' day, God says, "Giss' lotser diff'rent creatures, cows an' crawly fings an' stuff vat lives on v' earf." V' earf did vis, an' God saw it was skill. "Right ven," 'e says, "Lessave man, 'oo looks like me, an' gissim power over all v' other fish an' birds an' fings." So God made man like 'imself, see? 'E made blokes an' dishwashers. An' 'e blessed 'em an' said, "Oi, look, I've gi'n you loads of plants an' trees, what you can eat. An' v' animals can eat grass, right?" An' it 'appened. God saw all v' stuff 'e'd done, and it was really well cool an' wicked. Vasser sits' day.

By v' sevenf day, v' 'eavens an' v' earf was finished an' fuller life. God 'ad a quick shu'eye from all v' work 'e'd done. 'E blessed vis day an' made it 'oly, 'cos it was when 'e'd 'ad 'is rest. Vis is 'ow God made v' earf an' v' 'eavens, an' all v' plants before vey was in v' earf, an' all v' trees before vey was growin'. An' when God 'ad made man, vis sorter misty fing came outer v' ground an' wa'ered it all. So, God 'ad formed man outer all dust off v' ground, an' breaved life into 'im, and man came alive.

care of CL4.org

oh and just for fun an amusing pikey game here
Saturday, October 25, 2003
I wish I felt better.

I could laugh without coughing at 100 Scariest Moments. especially the birth scene from V - an ITV drama. "Oh my god, its twins".... Step back in horror....SCREAM......"What is it?"....."I don't know"

Comment from presenter, "So will she be breast feeding?" As small green alien with mini arms wiggles from the womans nether regions. Ok it was amusing at the time.

Yay an AIDS advert - can we add to that the hilariously funny 1970/80's Public Information Films on the horrors of flying your kite too close to power lines??? is that scary enough for ya? Or even Busby on the telephone wire, I used to like him. Am I showing my age? Does anyone else remember him?

I am now off to google search for him.

Ha! Found him here

He made me happy.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
A confessional study, by Dr. Vic Jameson. P-Study cont.

We are all aware of Tommy Wright by now, he's the deformed one on the left with the real eyebrows. We are also all well aware of Reformat's claims of parentage, something even now still suspect due to recent revelations. But we are not here to quibble as to who Tommy's real father is, be he butcher, baker, candlestick-maker or Reformat himself. The real question that needs addressing is how far will one pikey-male go for the adoration of strangers? Will he make wild claims, throw tantrums, descend to the level of a child? The following document will show you that the answer to all of these questions is yes.

A recent glut of evidence has come to me giving some prime examples of desparation, immaturity and stupidity from a confirmed pikey-male, the afore-studied subject Reformat. A mysterious post appeared on the Digital Spy forum with my name attached to it, claiming to be a confession. 'How fascinating.' I thought, and opened it to find this:
A confession By vicjameson
Taken from Vicjamesons own web site and in his words, this proves his intent when he came on these boards, please pay particular attention to the last statement which basically says he has succeeded in turning members against us.
Also bear in mind this is all because someone called weymel posted in his NG and he turned sherlock put 2 and 2 together and came up with 49............

He goes on to quote many parts of the entry below this one entitled 'Tommy-rot'. Finishing on:
Now if this is not proof enough I don't know what is!!!! he mentions libel in the above, thanks Vic we now have more than enough

Proof of what, I'm not sure but Reformat seemed convinced. His humourous threats of legal action are always a light-point in my days now, but solicitors can be expensive, especially when their client is an idiot. Maybe he should sell his story that 'Endemol fixed the result of Teen Big Brother' to the tabloids to help with those legal bills. In return I can sell this to the tabloids, I'm sure they'd love it. This latest little insight into the recreational activities of pikeys was dug up shortly after my confession was posted. This didn't put Reformat off though, here come the wild claims:
I can't believe that after posting what I thought was a blatant admission by vicjameson, anybody in their right mind couldn't see what has happened here in the last few days, I am amazed.
You really have been trolled
MSN profiles made up by him in my name have been posted here, he is evil, and he is under legal investigation which has been proved on here, that is not our normal style, but he is dangerous and we were advised by certain people to take that action. And SOME of you still believe him, God help us all.

Action, that sounds like a code-word, but my knowledge of pikeys thus far hasn't helped me glean any meaning from it apart from "I will annoy my solicitor with more print-outs of my own idiocy". Dangerous made me laugh, but then the old phrase 'the pen is mightier than the sword' came to mind. Could it be that this term arose from human interaction with pikey-folk and the realisation that they saw literary ability as something to fear, more so than a dagger?

Sadly, even God is unable to help Reformat. He's totally beyond hope on a genetic spiral to nowhere, spreading his pikey seed far and wide, as other males do so with his own 'bitch', admitted in a profile created in 2002. At this point NED1 had to try and straighten things out for everyone with:
Ok I would just like to add my little bit, well it may not be so little, first of all as you may or may not know, as you may or may not beleive, I am a freind of one of the mothers of one of the teen bb housemates (phew), and no it is not Tommy's family, but some of them have kept in touch, and that includes me keeping in touch with the families as well, they were all nice people by the way.

Well that clears things up, nothing ambiguous there at all. NED1 continues with some more info about the net-infesting Wrights:
Tommy's mum does use the username of websue, I can assure you she is Tommy's mum, and no I am not going into all that proving rubbish either, in my eyes you either believe or you dont. Sue, is a very timid person, she has been posting on the BB forum for a while now and getting on very well, they have been very freindly towards her and whether they believe its her or not doesnt seem to come into it, although she has proved beyond doubt to a few of them that she is who she says she is.
Well I will speak to sue later and try and cheer her up, its very doubtful she will go back on the forums now, as people will start calling her names, all I can say is you have got what you wanted, you have taken over this forum, you have manipulated nearly everyone round to your way of thinking, I hope you are proud of yourself.

Very proud, but I can't really take the credit for Reformat's hard work. Sadly, as with much that is touched by the Wrights the thread soon became an almost forgotten memory:
"A confession By vicjameson" thread
This thread has been removed for legal reasons and because Digital Spy is not the place for personal disputes. Please sort out your differences in private, not on the forum. Thanks

The pikey-male has been rejected from polite society once again, his unacceptable posts needing to be erased for the sake of decency. Where will he rear his ugly head next, and when will everyone realise that Tommy may have been pushed, by a father unable to use words to argue?

Wednesday, October 22, 2003
Tommy-rot. A P-Study in net relationships.

The World is a wonderful and diverse place, but in that diversity you get not only the finest there is on offer, but the worst of the worst, the lowest of the low, nature's rejects. Surprisingly I am not going to talk about the scum, and with any luck by the end of this essay you will not see me floating around with it. This is an edited account of events that transpired mainly on the night of the twentieth of October on the Digital Spy Big Brother forum, although the story starts before then with a cack-handed response to a post in a newsgroup. Our charming poster said the following:
You daft fuckin prick, you post hundreds of posts asking pathetic questions like do you prefer sunglasses or hats! and you have the fuckin neck to call somebody else a moron, you soft cunt get a life and fuck off. Tommy is an educated lad who is following a career in forensic science, he is also competent in several other languages including Japanese, and you?
And before you say " the papers say he is unemployed" utter bollox, just like the rest of the shit they have printed.
Lets see YOUR pic if you think you are not ugly then!

Charming. Well, horrendously offensive actually, let's not beat around the bush.
The final episode of Teen Big Brother had just been aired and so quite naturally some lively discussion was being had in free.uk.tv.bigbrother, as was the norm. Ideas about how the winner was chosen were being posted with relish, and replies shot back and forth as to why certain contestants voted for others. It was then a second brusque and poorly thought through post was made by the inept poster, let's call him Weymel.
Totally wrong I'm afraid, lets take it from the top.............

He then proceeded to 'lay down the law', explaining exactly what happened, according to him and continued on his high horse until he ended with:
So if you think that a certain housemate was not punished for a bad judgement call think again.

brusque indeed, and naturally it illicited a brusque follow-up pointing out some glaring inconsistencies. Weymel doesn't seem to be fond of being spoken to in the way he speaks to others, so here are some small snippets of the tirades that followed:
Tommy and Jade were both excluded from winning, Tracie couldn't vote for Tommy because the only reason she could give was that he was her best mate, and they knew the prize the day before voting, the next time you accuse someone of being wrong, make sure he isn't a HM's father.
This is a FACT

This seems to smack of a desperate man blurting out any old rubbish just to be right, but later it will turn out he may well be who he claims, although with the number of crack-pots on the internet scepticism should still be encouraged. He continues with the still unfounded claim that:
Here is another FACT for you...
Tommy was rushed to hospital this morning after falling 20 ft from his brothers bedroom window onto a concrete path, his girlfriend was in a downstairs room, his cat Polly was asleep under the radiator and it was Dorset county hospital in Dorchester, he broke the watch he brought on Friday in the fall, how the f**k do you think I know all this?
Do some research before you get it all WRONG again, another one who hasn't heard of editing and manipulation!

Followed up with:

I may be in the minority here, but I do believe that as as first impressions go Weymel made a particularly bad one. In fact it wasn't so much an impression as an impact, or as I took it, an invitation to a rather lively argument. I had to start small, track my quarry and test some limits.
Did you forget to take your medication this morning?
Glad to hear Tommy is still getting out, and that he hasn't let having sex on British television drive him to do anything rash or stupid...

The bait had been laid, now all that was needed was to wait and see if I got a bite. The waters seemed calm for a while, but with patience and a little luck by bob began to stir, sending ripples across the once glass-like surface of the newsgroup:
I would be happy to have a sensible conversation about it, I am just disgusted that this is a big brother NG, and you know absolutley nothing about the show!
They even took the piss out of a lad falling 20 ft onto concrete ffs! how sick is that?

You have to admit, the mental picture alone is funny. He does continue to say:
Now apparently because I know all this I am a 'kook' FFS.
"Did you forget to take your medication this morning?" You call this sensible?
"Glad to hear Tommy is still getting out, and that he hasn't let having sexon British television drive him to do anything rash or stupid..." You call this sensible, I can assure you Tommy is neiether rash or stupid, as you would know if you researched before making childish comments

Kook, you decide. One thing I should point out is that Tommy is the boy from Teen Big Brother that had sex with a housemate in a room full of others with cameras trained on them from many angles. I had to say:
He had sex on television. He is rash and stupid.
Does your 'son' know what a tit you're making of yourself all over the internet?
You don't know much about the internet do you?

This is where he starts becoming really odd, answering with:
If you don't know him, why are you calling him an idiot?

To which I could only respond:
He applied for TeenBB, he had sex on TeenBB, yes he's an idiot.

He also tried with:
Oh dear, so someone who has sex is rash and stupid, well that was obviously was true for your parents

A classic in internet arguments, and used beautifully to its full back-firing effect. I had to reiterate, and up the ante somewhat in the argument:
PML, you really are proving what an imbecile you are. Do continue. Please note though it was the 'ON TELEVISION' bit that makes him rash and stupid.

I couldn't resist pushing further with this little invite:
Perhaps you'd like to point Tommy this way when he's recovered from his suicide attempt.

This was getting fun, he was really giving me so much to go on that when he suddenly came out with this I felt rather let-down:
What the fuck are you so hung up about? who mentioned suicide? you are one sick fucker who has no grasp on reality, you should seek help.
I tell you what this NG is already been ridiculed on a big brother forum as a waste of space and full of idiots who have no interest in BB, so I will go back there and enjoy ripping you apart, enjoy the spam or corned beef scintilating threads BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Such a shame, and it was only just getting really good. Thankfully a clue came my way that the self-same individual had been posting on the Digital Spy forums about the appalling people he had come across on a particular newsgroup. Some decisive detective work and a little intuition guided me to a post on a forum by a poster whom we shall call Reformat for the sake of this essay. It might be interesting to know now that Reformat claims to have no knowledge of any posts on free.uk.tv.bigbrother, nor did he know who Weymel was. This seemed dubious as the post I came across was entitled 'Newsgroups' and read thus:
Does anyone in here use the free uktv bigbrother newsgroup?
It is the biggest waste of time EVER, they don't even watch BB, which they admit to. What a shame because a NG would be a good thing, then I could post pics and links etc

It may be interesting to note that Reformat also posted the following on the same forum:
Just thought I would let you know, Tommy has had a serious accident and is in the Dorset County Hospital, He has fallen from a 3rd floor window (about 20ft) his injuries are not thought to be life threatning, but we shall have to wait and see, please, regardless of what you think of him, please send some good vibes his way.

A familiar story, even more so when you discover that Reformat has been claiming to be the father of none other than Tommy Wright, 'the generic ugly white lad with a shaved head from Teen Big Brother'. I was seeing a connection here due to my brain being bigger than a walnut and being able to see the obvious. I took a chance, if Reformat wasn't the same person as Weymel then I'd eat my own Grandmother. Why not pick up where I left off, using his own trick of posting under a different name than that I post under in the newsgroup with? An introductory testing of the waters led me to respond with:
fuktvbb is a great newsgroup for Big Brother. Dunno about all this teen, no public vote, only edited footage rubbish, not BB where I come from.
The only problem you'll find is that they don't suffer fools gladly.

I surprised myself, that was actually civil. The final comment possibly a tad barbed, but nothing a grown man with an 18 year old son couldn't cope with; or so I thought. How wrong I was. The almost immediate reply read simply:
That newsgroup is a front for kiddie-fiddlers

Closely followed, two threads down by:
Ok VJ if that newsgroup is so good why has everyone admitted to not watching Teen BB? Why have they took a disliking to someone they admit to never having seen? why did they take the piss out of one of the HM's recent accident? yes mate a really great NG.
Also sorry about the previous thread

Sorry it wasn't the previous post, but you know which one I mean
One more question VJ in the last 2 months how many posts in that NG actually mentioned BB? I know, do you?

The inaccuracies are far too numerous to point out individually, but needless to say I knew I was in for some fun sparring. Reformat was to later change the term kiddie-fiddlers to UK weirdos once he realised that he was able to edit his posts on the forum. If only I knew quite how ridiculous he could become I would have mirrored it almost straight away, but I tried civility, considering I had just been called a sexual-abuser of children:
You can apologise as much as you like, but your comment about child-molesters is surely worse than anything you've been told on a newsgroup. It's offensive and blatantly stupid, as your later retractions show you realised.
Despite that I'll answer your questions without resorting to childish insults. They haven't all admitted to not watching teen Big Brother, quite the opposite, in fact they have been posting about it somewhat. They said they watched it but thought it was rubbish and wasn't in the vein of Big Brother (no public vote...etc). The number of posts regarding Big Brother have reflected the number of episodes of Big Brother that have been on television.

Enough goading for a slight response I thought, but Reformat doesn't do things by halves:
At least I was man enough to apologise, which is more than any of you losers did, I can see you weren't big enough to accept it! typical for your type, you can give but you can't take it.

My type, would that be paedophiles? He ranted on though:
And as for posting about it, what rubbish, the one or two posts that were posted were totally irrelevant and had nothing to do with it. When I thought you would be interested in a bit more detail you ridiculed me and insulted me. Your comments about it not being like BB show your ignorance, go back there and talk about sunglasses or hats!

Would the little more detail we were interested in possibly be "You daft fuckin prick" or "you soft cunt get a life and fuck off"? Amazingly there are more from the same gene-pool as Reformat, one we shall call NED1 decided to chip in with:
I have been to that forum and they are the rudest people it has been my misfortune to come across, they have nothing to do with BB on there whatsoever

But rationality is lost on Reformat, so the only solution is irrationality. Now that I can do:
You apologised, well done. Does that make it okay for you to claim that a particular newsgroup is a front for kiddie-fiddlers?
You were conspicuous in your own absence when it came to posting, perhaps the lack of posts reflected the lack of interest in a program that is only very loosely based on Big Brother (you show your own ignorance claiming they are more alike than not). Just because other people don't talk about what you want them to talk about doesn't make it wrong. They don't talk about Pop Idol either, you'll probably have a problem with that too (but it's reality tv...). You show a total inability.
Taking your example:
Tommy r@ped Jade.
Oh, sorry about that comment, it was out of order.

I couldn't wait for the reply this would encourage. Sickness has always been a forte of mine, and there was plenty more waiting for him. With every offended response I got he was reeled a little closer to the nets, but NED1 twitched on the hook to this one:
I think your comments about Tommy raping Jade are utterly disgusting, how you can come on here and put something like that I will never know, I suppose you think you are clever or something, when in fact you are a nasty little worm, at least Reformat had the decency and courage to apologise and remove his post. But that wasnt good enough for you was it? You proffess to being more intellingent have you ever heard that two wrongs dont make a right, as for teen big brother not being like the normal big brother what programme have you been watching? because apart from the public interaction it was exactly the same, and if you had have watched it you would have seen there was no rape as you so disgustingly put it.

Maybe he didn't notice my apology, faded out by his sheer need to be disgusted, maybe he couldn't see the line attached to the bait, maybe he was a tad stupid. Two in one thread? I couldn't pass up this second gift:
I can do it in just the same way that Reformat can post about me and others being kiddie-fiddlers. Just as disgusting don't you agree? I also apologised, which seems to be fine for you when it comes to Reformat, but it's not good enough for you when it regards my post.
I also think you'll find that the public interaction is 80% of what Big Brother is all about. I'll say again, there is no PUBLIC VOTE, no live coverage, no eviction nights, no davina, it's the corpse of Big Brother chewed up for the last pennies Endemol can squeeze out of it.

My argument was far too rational this time. Near-dumbstruck all I got in reply was:
well all I can say is one day I hope you are in a bad accident and no one turns up to save you, the world will be a better place without s**t heads like you around

I had to drop to the next level down, how about dismissive:
NED1, you've been fun, but it's time to step aside. The moment you resort to just telling me that you hope I die is the moment you stop being so funny. You amuse me no more.

Time for NED1 to pull the imbecile card from the deck:
isnt that just a little hyprocritcal jameson, who wished who had died first.

I hate to point out his error because it it so glaring, but it did give me a kind of sick pleasure when I told him:
I haven't read that thread, I don't wish he had died, I really don't care about him in the least. You jump to far too many conclusions, but you seem simple so it's to be expected.
The hypocrisy comes when one persons apology means more than another's. You are guilty of that and so much more.

Not able to see reason through the red-mist he just can't help himself:
I can assure you I am in no way simple, I worked out what kind of person you were without having to think that much, you can see by the kind of posts you write, at least Reformat saw his mistake right away and deleted it, you meant everyword of it, if I can I will make sure someone at endemol will see what you have written I am sure there is some sort of libel or slander in there somewhere.

He's going into the reeds and getting all snagged up. If all else fails continue to batter him with the same recriminations:
Lawsuits, yes that's the solution. Can I sue you for grammatical assault, you need to learn how to use punctuation; really badly.
You honestly think that I watched Tommy's sad attempts at sex and thought it was rape? I said so with the same seriousness as Reformat said all people who use fuktvbb were kiddie-fiddlers. Your hypocrisy in accepting his apology and not mine shows your simplicity to everyone, you can't hide it.

Reformat gets back into the argument, this time with some even worse thought out arguments:
not only have you insulted me, but you have insulted another respected member of this forum, who I can assure you will make sure your comments are investigated by Tommys legal advisor.
The difference between my comment and yours is mine was made in the heat of the moment, and it was wrong and I rectified it within minutes (if not seconds), you however composed and deliberatley made your comments with some thought, oops thats libel.
Then you go on to wish that Tommy had died, you are one sick puppy, that needs help, and THEN you claim to have superior interlect than everybody else, of course you have, of course you have.
I will not contribute to this thread any further, you are not worth my time or effort, you have proved what vile people you are, you are not wanted or needed, you have nothing worthwhile to contribute so do yourselves a favour and crawl away, or this will get nasty, and trust me, you don't want that.

Oh no, he's running away again. Just when I think I've caught 'the big one' he gets away, every time. But he did come back with one quick nibble:
oops I didn't see vics last post, so now he has to become the English teacher, what a sad **** he is.

Needless to say, there has been no libel, but the threat of legal action was as sweet as honey to my taste. He had continued to then narrate the thread thus far in the previous post, but I don't see the point of relaying it here. My answer was concocted with a sane type of madness, words spilling over my own laughter. I wrote like Reformat, almost sad that he had gone:
I would love your legal advisors to read this thread, they can take more money from a fool.
Our comments were no different, only you may have actually meant yours at the time in your mind. And it doesn't hurt to know how to use the language you are using, it makes reading his endless comma seperated sentences like getting sea-sickness.
Read your post again and you'll see my interlect(sic) is higher than yours, glad to see you agreeing with that in the end.
You go on to narrate this thread in your own imbecilic way, proving nothing except your own stupidity once again.
I still assert I don't care about Tommy in the least, thus don't care about him dying or not.

But Reformat was right. Sadly the thread was removed, for legal reasons so they say, but never the less the seeds of doubt had been sewn, and soon the majority of the forum members would be questioning Reformat, his motives and who he is. The full farce of the aftershocks can be found in here and it's well worth a read to cheer you up. This may end up getting deleted by the moderators, but in the event of that happening you will find a faithful and edited account of the full debacle here.

Sunday, October 19, 2003
"You got a problem?" P-Study Part One

This is the usual call of the male, a tattooed, drunken and unshaven creature that walks with a stoop, a stoop caused by the weight of unemployment and his own shame. The females have a different call, shrieked out like a banshee in the form of; "What you looking at?". They are no more clean than the males and equally tattooed, but try to hide it fairly well with layers of make-up and clouds of body-spray. Usually found in swathes of their own detritus on council-estates this is of course referring to the modern-day pikey (Common-Fucca), a creature that is a sub-set of Homo-Sapiens; a few rungs below monkeys on the evolutionary ladder. Pikeys are a step-back in evolution that was initially taken after the Second-World-War when the welfare-state was introduced and mass-housing was built.

The life-cycle of the pikey is a fascinating journey through petty-crime, onto serious crime, and finally ends, usually abruptly and in a pub toilet. Summing up the life of a pikey in this way may seem demeaning, but it isn't, they do deserve to be treated like scum, for, as you will see, they are.

Upon birth, usually to a teenage mother, usually into a large family of over seven siblings, and usually only to get its parents a bigger house somewhere else because they have fallen out with the neighbours, the pikey baby is doomed to a life planned out by its peasant genetics. At this stage in life the child is known as a 'shit', or 'little-shit', either is appropriate, and it will spend the majority of its formative years in a pram acting as camouflage for shop-lifted items. At the age of four, once the mother stops showing interest due to the next three babies the 'little-shit' will have to learn to talk. Invariably the first words from the pikey-child's mouth are "Fuck you mister." a vocabulary it will carry unchanged until the age of eleven or twelve.

At the age of eleven, with a long list of petty-offences behind it including joyriding, criminal damage, drunk and disorderly, assault, breaking and entering and defacating in public, the pikey-child must learn to expand its vocabulary. Phrases such as "Do you want to fuck us?", "Buy us some fags mister, I've got the money." and "If I give you a fag will you fuck us?" become the norm, usually shouted from a street corner, now the staple grazing area for the maturing pikey. In this stage of life they are referred to as 'twat' or 'little-twat', a name given to them by the adult-pikeys that stalk past these grazing areas on their way to the pub, or their best-friend's house. Along with increases in vocable competence, the severity of crimes committed by the 'twat' increases. Attempted bodily harm and grievous bodily harm turn up on criminal records, defacating in public becomes defacating on the public and assault with a deadly weapon in almost assured. This stage of life continues until the pikey reaches sexual maturity and they settle into the life they are to expect until they die, that of the adult-pikey.

The adult-pikey is a complex creature, and one not to be taken at their grotesquely-ugly face value. The male, known as a 'bastard' or a 'fuck' can be found on most days in the local public-house making one pint of lager last four hours. This is mainly to keep out of the way of the females, commonly known as 'bitch' or 'whore', and occasionally 'fuck'. The female pikey collects benefit, shop-lifts and has unprotected sex with as many available pikey-men as possible just to ensure that pikey genes continue to spread. As the evening begins the male returns to his house, stopping in at his his best-friend's house in order to have unprotected sex with his female, already pregnant with his seed. Upon returning home a dinner of shop-lifted fish-fingers and some salted chips are waiting for him, both provided by his female and the latter being payment for giving the chip-shop owner oral pleasure. The repast is consumed with little conversation except for that on the subject of football and home-made tattoos, a hobby that the male-pikey likes to practice on both himself and his female, but he can't do colours except blue, and he can't really do an 's' very well either, and that smiley face he did looks more like a glans. At around seven in the evening the pikey-male is urged to get up and go to the public-house again with the benefits collected by the 'whore' that day.

On the way to the pub the adult-pikey male may opportunely break into a car, or steal somebody's television and video, but it is more likely that they will call in to their best-friend's house and have unprotected sex with his 'bitch' again, then continue to the pub without incident. A full-grown pikey male can consume up to fifteen pints of weak lager in a four hour drinking session whilst his female counterpart can consume as many as twenty alcopops in the same time, ultimately showing a higher tolerence threshold than the male by a factor of three in alcoholic unit terms. They sluice their life down their throats night after night, committing crimes on the way home and finally submitting to his own 'whore' in matters of unprotected sexual congress before lolling asleep in a semi-tumescent state.

On the final night of his worthless life, a life spent sponging from society, eroding morals, defiling his habitat with burn out cars, scaring old women in their beds, abusing his female and other female-pikeys, it ends, as mentioned before, abruptly. After staggering drunkenly into the urine-stenching, damp-underfoot and toilet-paperless lavatory in the pub the 'fuck' attempts to urinate in the metal trough that he is more used to dealing with that an actual toilet where some kind of control is required. Even here though there is danger for the 'bastard', namely in the form of a bigger, more drunken, more offensive pikey-male. The fate of the less-dominant pikey is in the lap of the gods; all it takes is a small amount of his urine to splash on to the tracksuit trousers of the dominant-pikey for a life threatening situation to arise.
"You fuckin' pissed on me best trousers yer cunt!" is usually the phrase that will end in the death of one of the two pikey-males, now facing each other off with their penises hanging from their tracksuits in a form of pre-battle ritual. The dominant-pikey tucks his penis away and pulls a knife from his paint-flecked boot, brandishing it in such a way as to prove he has never been proficient in knife-fighting of any kind. The less-dominant pikey, now cursing his 'bitch' for not shop-lifting him a good knife grabs a bottle standing in the metal trough that has been used as a target by every pikey-male in a half-mile radius. The less-dominant pikey smashes the piss-drenched bottle resulting in both pikeys now having weapons held out and both with splashes of other pikeys' urine on them. Both lunge, stagger and miss, clutching on to each other to assure that they don't both go face-first onto the urine soaked floor. This is the moment when one of the pikeys brings their crude weapon up into the stomach of the other. The victor staggers out of the convenience and wanders off home to engage in rough sexual congress with his 'whore', now pregnant to a pikey-male from the next street along. The vanquished pikey-male slumps onto the floor and instantly becomes a piss-mop for all the pikey excretions that once seemed so far away, his life flooding out of him as surely as the layer of urine is flooding his spongy tracksuit top and bottoms that don't match.

So the life of another pikey ends, but his 'fuck' is pregnant, and she will surely find another pikey-male to fill his shoes and aid the bringing up of the next generation of pikeys to steal our cars, threaten us in the street and devalue vast swathes of property. These people aren't human, do not feel ashamed if you hate them, it's perfectly natural and often encouraged. This is only the first of many studies into the behaviours of Common-Fucca that will be conducted and documented here. Conclusions will be drawn as and when they come about, but this introduction to the life-cycle of the pikey speaks for itself.

Dr. Vic Jameson.

I haven't ........

posted for a while.

been busy socially.

been doing anything interesting.

got any money.

Been drinking.

got anything to write about.

I have......

Been watching Countryfile, and been very impressed by the photography.

Been musing on the fact that I can't use the word PIKEY at work. Its annoying. There reasoning for the outrageous new ruling 'You never know when one of the Tarveller Liason Workers will be in the office'. What a load of rubbish. We know who is in the office and we are all professionals, we are perfectly able to modify our language when someone is in the office we don't know. Admittedly, one of our collegues went TOO FAR. Bless him! He stuck a sign on his office wall stating ..... 'THE PIKEYEST GIFT COMPETITION', which was a bit thick of him.

Been breaking The Atkins Diet.

Been getting more and more spots *on my chin ........... * Dont view this image if feeling sensitive and easily sickened by images!

Been learning BSL every Tuesday and was the only person in the whole class on Tuesday that got EVERY answer right in a test, I was impressed with myself considering I don't practise at all, nor did I think anything had gone in, oh and, quite a few students had been there before last year, failed the exam and come back for this year. Thick Bastards!

Been lying in bed at the weekends.

Sunday, October 12, 2003
The Pope Must Die.

By the time you read this he may be dead.

Of course he won't be, the Pope must renounce his title on death, and so really the Pope never dies. This was not always the case of course. Before the Reformation surged across England the next Pope had usually been inaugurated by the head-Cardinals as he (the new one) wore the skin of the Pope before like a red-cape. This was to symbolise him taking the very form of the previous Pope, who took the form of the Pope before him and so on back to Pope-Zero.

Some out there may be disgusted by this idea, but you must remember that in those days human beings were more like peasants and didn't know how truly revolting and backwards they really were. Their nearest modern equivalent is the pikey, but even worse (hard to imagine I know, but go on, try).

The result of this skinning meant that the body of the Dead-Pope was still the Pope, and as such could still make Catholic decrees and order Jihads. Whilst a rarity it did happen twice. The first time it was a fairly uneventful occurrence. Dead-Pope Plexus III a full six hours after death sat up on the skinner's table and shouted "Turn my balls into a relic." before collapsing again. It was an odd decree, but it was the will of the Pope, and so it was done. The embalmed testicles of Plexus III can now be found touring the churches of Canada and Alaska, hopefully coming in a town near you.

The second time this odd occurrence took place it was to have much further reaching consequences. Dead-Pope Callous VIII had almost been fully skinned when his corpse grumbled "These homosexual gays and lesbians really should be treated better by us." before his mouth filled with blood and bile and he lay there inanimate once more.

Naturally this caused widespread panic amongst the devoutly closeted clergymen and so it was decided that a Dead-Pope could not retain his Popeness. If this was the case then clearly Dead-Pope Callous VIII was not Pope and so the Catholic church was still free to hate whole swathes of society. Phew.

Today homosexuality and such activity is frowned upon less by many sections of society, yet the irony here is that if you were try and skin a Dead-Pope in a gay bar you'd probably be asked to leave.
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
Spartacus 6:9

I am genuinely ill which means that my brain has begun to seep out at the edges, and maybe that is why I have decided to recount this childrens' story on what is a predominantly adult blog. This story was first told in the original Bible, but the Catholic Church has mutilated the story beyond all recognition since. Here is the tale of The Prodigal Son, told as it was intended many hundreds of years ago.

The Prodigal Son.
By J.H.Christ.

A father by the name of Joseph had two sons, the eldest and favourite was called Phineas whilst the younger son was named Rufus due to his freakish ginger-hair and pale skin. Joseph knew where his priorities lay, and Rufus certainly wasn't the priority. In fact Joseph was sure that he wasn't the father of Rufus, but to save his wife, a woman who would satisfy his every sexual whim, a stoning he grudgingly accepted the bastard as his own, even though he was ginger.

One day, when Joseph had finally succumbed to total impotence he decided that it was time to be rid of Tulsa, his slutty wife whose only purpose for Joseph had been removed by fate's cruel hand. He sent his wife into the wilderness in search of a lost sheep and he never saw her again, due to his most devoius plan. He knew that Rufus would do anything to be accepted by his father, so Joseph said that if Rufus would chase after his mother, cut out her face and feast upon the flesh then he would finally become a part of the family.

Rufus jumped at the chance, so he grabbed a knife and ran into the desert. Joseph and Phineas were left pissing themselves laughing that the ginger child would be so stupid, his judgement clouded by the devious nature of his father. Joseph called in to the police of the day and told them what his son had gone off to do. Upon his return the child, now with red soaked hands as well as hair was dragged off and executed by lions. Phineas and Joseph were joyously happy and so decided to order a couple of prostitutes each for a week of debauchery. They lived happily ever after.

And so, what is the moral of the original story that Christ intended? Don't trust your family members, they'll just screw you over the first chance there's something in it for them.

Sleep well children, is that Daddy at the door?
Monday, October 06, 2003
Apocalypse then.

   It is a little known fact that scientists did bring the world to the brink of destruction by no less that three strange coincidences in the year 2003. This short document will explain some of the processes they used to bring about such madness, and probe the very mental spires that these people occupy. That is not to say that the reader of this essay is in a trough of neural inaction, but let's face it, you're no Einstein. Still, at least you can read. There are people out there who can't, and some of them are even older than you. I'm sure that we are both agreed that such people are shit, in writing at least.

   The first near-apocalyptic contribution occured in Cannes, France in January of this year. Indirectly it was caused by the often ridiculed professor of excretions at the Cannes Institute of Micturate Studies, Uri Nation. Whilst creating urea crystal concretions around spirals of glass tube he was able to create the core of the P-Helix protein-driver. The protein-driver was capable of sending a dissasemblage of bull-semen from the pointy end at 99.999% of light speed in a pulse lasting one billionth of a second.
   Prof. Nation studied everything about the urethra and shaft of the penises of bulls and used those natural processes the bull uses in an inflated form to create this weapon of mass destruction (WMD). Bulls have a unique ejaculatory system amongst mammals, athough it can be found in some plants, and it involves the spiral form of their feculence canal.
   Once the bull has urinated enough then urea crystals form along the urethra and once this has built up to the required thickness the bull has come of age and can ejaculate at will. A piezo-electric effect means that when the bull tenses its shaft a current surges into its gonadic-orbs and energizes the ionized spunk particles resulting in emissions of powerful and devastating strands of bull-fat.
   Upon initial testing of the machine Prof. Nation pointed it in the direction of the moon, just to see what would happen, then fired.

   The second contributor was a 'woman' who has only ever been known by the mysterious name of Lady-B. She was conducting studies on silicon-variant implant performance in hostile environments, a subject very close to both sides of Lady-B's heart.
   One extreme involved in the study was low-orbit extra-vehicular activity, namely a 'space-walk'. This was performed from New-Mir, the space station in orbit around the Earth, by Pablo, an implanted monkey holding six pints of silicon-variant gel.
   The monkey floated from the space station, with the Moon creating a beautiful backdrop from the glittering emerald globe that we call home, Planet Earth. This was in January 2003.

   Contributor number three was the result not of a scientist in the strict sense of the word, but if we include the meaning of messenger-of-god to also mean a scientist then my conclusion is still valid. This is because the angel Michael had chosen the exact moment in January as Lady-B and Prof. Nation were conducting their experiments to manifest himself at the will of ex-hippie, now successful diety, Jesus Christ, in the hope that he can bring the good news of the impending second coming of the Messiah.
   Things didn't quite go to plan for Michael, who was going to appear as a bright ball of light in the sky, framed by the moon for all to see. He had overlooked two things, a) What was happening, and b) What will happen.
   Quite clearly anyone with even the smallest grasp of science and theology can see the terrifying consequenses that would result from silicon-variant and angel-matter being struck by energetic semen in such close proximity so I will not bother relaying it here. Needless to say, it was only due to the interference of Mr. Christ, Jesus's father, that the world was not obliterated

   I for one am not prepared to allow this kind of thing ever to happen again, but doing a Physics degree, as I am, may seem hypocritical in the extreme. Not at all, only an illiterate imbecile could possibly think such a thing. I shall complete my degree, then go about my fifth-columnesque actions in order to make the sciences crumble from within. By the end of this century we will know whether I have been successful. Churches and laboratories will fall under my mighty sabotage, proofs will be forgotten, the dark-ages will return.
   If this is the cost of continued existence then so be it, but don't come crying to me when they burn you as a heretic because you have a light-bulb. The end was nigh!


Sunday, October 05, 2003
Thats nice
cumslut barbie

You Are Cumslut Barbie!

You come complete with press on suction lips,
portable wet wipes, and skin toner.
Add on "Spit-it-back" function sold separately.
Not recommended for children under age 6.

What Naughty Barbie Are *You*?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

glamorous nipple

You Have a Glamorous Nipple!

Glamour dahhhhling!
(With a pearl necklace)
What Nipple Do You Have?
More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

Saturday, October 04, 2003
Not sure how... but....

which pleasure are you?

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